This perhaps is the most difficult topic I have tried writing on. I want to be sensitive to who may read it. Please— those who are easily offended or are of a young age, know this is a “PG” rated post. I will probably be sleeping outside when my wife finds I was naïve enough to post it, here goes anyway. Nothing written here is designed to be commentary on adults consenting or engaged in activities of their own choosing.
Martina McBride in her song: “This One’s for the Girls” sings
“This for all you girls about thirteen
High School can be so rough, can be so mean
Hold on to onto your innocence
Stand your ground when everybody’s giving in”
I had a wonderful father/child conversation the other day; our visit touched my heart. It made me feel badly for some of the feelings that may exist in our world today.
One of my children was presented with a circumstance where they were mocked for being chaste. Their friend, who found my child was not engaged in adult activities; made fun of their commitment. My child has self-elected to wait until marriage, to participate in what they see as behavior reserved for married adults.
Their friend, poking fun at this commitment; suggested they will never know whether or not they are compatible with their partner. “One who waits, may find when it is too late; they are not fit to be life long partners,” was the comment shared with my child. My child had to see that I was speechless sharing this with me.
Having sex was the topic discussed. Let me use an example to suggest my feelings on the difference between, “having sex” and “making love.”
The year the Utah Jazz went to the finals, playing Michael Jordan and the Bulls was a great year for Utah fans. The entire season was fun to watch as we could see our team was something special.
This year in the western finals, we were facing the Houston Rocket’s and Charles Barkley. It was game six, Utah was headed into Texas up 3-2. Utah was 12 points behind at the end of the game; bringing it to a tie with only seconds left. Byron Russell through the ball into John Stockton; John then threw up the winning three pointer over the late arriving Charles Barkley. Utah won 103-100 and went onto the finals. Our players jumped for joy; as did the fans!
This play has been and will be played over and over again. Even though we lost in the finals, it was a great season. Utah and all its citizens united, even Utah and BYU fans came together as our pride overcame all differences supporting our team.
Here is my analogy: Having sex is only being able to see the play of the decade; making love is being able to participate in the entire season.
Sex and finding a partner who you match up with?— give me a break! Are there people out there who do nothing but the wild thing all day long? If you were a rock star and did it a much as you wanted; what percent of your day would it fill up? Stories, usually of men beating their chests, wanting to be a stud; fall well short of occupying even a small percentage of the day with their stories. So what about all the rest of the day (relationship)? Where is the season leading up to the play or championship after?
For me, I don’t get it. Who is teaching our youth that this time together is an act reduced to, “having sex.” Animals (males) may long for the experience, participate and leave content for having had a quickie. For thinking beings, not finding commonality and bonding before; may leave you unaware who you are with, wanting to go home after you are finished or wanting to try a new partner.
If you were watching as the team was assembled, signing contracts and building; you got excited knowing it could be a good year. The season developed into what became, “the best to date” with more wins than in any other time in franchise history. As a fan you built up to the play of the decade which lifted you into the finals; knowing it was only the beginning of something better. You then went onto the finals as the play was not the end of your experience. Perhaps your season didn’t end with the trophy but out of all the teams; there was only one better. This year lead to what have been many more wonderful years.
Making love, knowing you are with the one you enjoy. Realizing you have built up to a moment where the event is only time shared in intimacy; reserved for your special one. Your time shared together, as in participating in the full season, has excitement for a very long time. Laying there together hugging, talking and feeling; knowing the time wasn’t ended by an episode but there was more to come; a lifetime together.
For me, each time is special; we learn and grow together. It is a time where we give of ourselves completely. Every occasion is the play of the decade. We didn’t need to find whether we were compatible sexually; we knew we were mentally first. We build daily on our time together. We know the climax isn’t the crescendo; just part of the game. Fully enjoying the season up to the play, then the play itself and finally all time after with each step being very exciting. We are moving toward a lifetime victory–together.
My child’s life will be blessed with far greater satisfaction than this friend who is out trying the models; seeing who is compatible—“give me a break!”
Too my child, I am proud you have committed yourself; know you will have a lasting, enjoyable and close relationship many will only dream of!!! Stick to your ideals; you have chosen well my dear. “Stand your ground when everybody’s giving in”