I cried a tear…

 

Okay, I had another one of those times in life where my heart is filled with joy and at the same time was carrying a deep sense of loss.  Quite frankly, this has made it very difficult to type as I am currently shedding a tear or two as I write.  My oldest daughter approached me with news she is moving out…

It went something like this: Dad, you have raised me to believe in myself and taught me to reach for the stars.  My friends say I am the one who knows what to do, that I am strong, a lady in control and the one with a plan.  So-where is this going Sweet Lady?  It is time for me to move into my own place…

And I am the one who didn’t think excitement and fear could occupy the heart at the same time.  My head began spinning knowing we have raised our children to be independent and capable of caring for themselves, yet I felt sadness thinking to myself; do they really need to do it?

My excitement comes from feeling mission accomplished, knowing she is more than competent and remembering this step in my life.  Yet, my heart is filled with the fear of not wanting our years together under the same roof to end.  I began living like one of the people in a story I had written about.  I became the person giving all the reasons this was a bad idea; knowing it wasn’t.  These feelings were only being validated by my selfishness.

I was reflecting on how simple things would change.  I wouldn’t be able to kiss her as I left for the day wishing her well.  I knew there wouldn’t be regular morning breakfasts asking if she wanted her pancakes flipped or not.  There wouldn’t be nights I lay with one eye open awaiting her safe return.  Our Saturday drives or our getting a drink.  I admit, I also thought of some good that would come; I wouldn’t be there to scare away her “friends” (male counterparts)…

I remembered how she has always carried herself with confidence and spoken her mind.  I know she is organized with the world lying at her feet.  She has a plan and sticks to it altering only as she finds better ways or bigger dreams.  I have seen her in action willing to approach elders with respect and politely holding her ground or sensing the needs of the less fortunate and stepping in to help wherever she can.  One night, after coming home late, she shared with us how she had saved a mans life in gruesome detail leaving me faint by simply listening.  This is who she is, making herself available even when others may chose not to participate.

Our kids may fumble and fall or run into a wall which is scary, yet these are the times they gain strength and put into practice all they have learned at home.  It is time; I agree wholeheartedly.  I can’t wait to see you succeed in all you seek to do Sweet Lady.  Let me cry a little knowing our lives are about to change.  Give me a day or two-thousand and I will realize our next stage is going to be even better.

Live knowing you are my hero and are becoming everything I ever wished you to be.  Spread your wings and fly to the highest heights knowing you have a lot yet to do!

Dad/Jaren

 

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